We adopted multi-racial teen boys last September

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and both have two grown and gone children from previous marriages. I can't have anymore children and really wanted to have children with him. We decided to adopt a child that we could raise and love together. After months of discussion, we decided that our hearts were big enough to be able to love more than one adopted child. I immediately started researching sibling groups that we could adopt. We weren't being picky about race but we were being picky about disabilities because we live so far away from the nearest hospital and the nearest doctor. As a matter of fact, it's 23 miles to the nearest grocery store. I was searching for a sibling group of 5 or less.

It took a long time and a lot of heartache because of being turned down for children we selected. We finally got a call from a caseworker who told us about the 11 year old and asked if we wanted to meet him. We immediately said yes and couldn't wait to hear back from her. She then started telling us more about him. He was born cocaine addicted and had 4 other siblings, two sisters and two brothers. All 4 of them were also born cocaine addicted. The 5 children had been adopted by a family one by one as they were born to the same mother and different fathers. How could this mother be allowed to continue having children? Anyway, their adoptive family abused all 5 children and the children were subsequently taken away from them. Their adoptive family signed a "Termination of parental rights" and then they became foster children.

The two girls were adopted right away. This caused the boys to become depressed and aggressive toward their caregivers. DCF took away the most violent one and put him in a different home and then sent the two remaining boys to a group home where they were separated into different cottages. This caused them to become even more aggressive and depressed. The oldest of the two (my son) ran away. After he was found he was bounced around from home to home and put on more and more drugs to calm him down. Nine homes and nine different schools later he landed in a therapeutic foster home. The youngest boy (my son) was not as violent and therefore was in 5 homes total. They were both in foster care and separated from each other for over 2 years.

Visitations with the boys were unbearable! They lived in two different cities and because of our desire to get the boys reunited, we would travel to both cities to get them. Round trip to pick them up and drop them off was about 150 miles. We would bring them to our house, even if it was only for a couple of hours, and then take the journey back to drop them off. We fell in love with them right away so, dropping them off was always a tearjerker. When we finally got to the weekend visits it was always a VERY happy and then a VERY sad time for all 4 of us. The boys would cry so hard when we had to take them home. In May they finally got to move in for their 90 day trial before adoption was final.

The boys were 11 and 15 when we adopted them. The oldest was on three types of medication for anger issues and depression. He was on Seroquel, Abilify and Lexapro. The youngest was not on any meds and still isn't. The oldest was a real challenge as he is developmentally delayed and mildly mentally retarded. Every time something didn't go his way, like leaving his books required to do his homework at school, he would pitch a major fit! He would start destroying everything in his path and we would have to restrain him to keep him from injuring himself. The hardest time was when he was breaking a glass chess board with his hands. I was always walking on egg shells when my husband wasn't home because I wasn't sure if I would be able to restrain him by myself. There was one time where he cornered me in the laundry room and shoved me into the freezer. I hit the handle on the door and had quite a bruise on my bottom for a while.

My goal for the oldest (now that he is MINE and isn't a foster child anymore) was to get him off of as many of the medications as possible so that I could meet my son. Now that they were ours, my husband could add the boys to his insurance and I could find better doctors for them. On our first appointment with the Psychiatrist, I was told I was crazy for wanting to get him off any of his meds. I told the doctor that not only did I not like all of the side effects of the meds but, I also wanted to get him off of as much as I could (SLOWLY) and then decide on my own if he needed more or less. The Psychiatrist said that cocaine babies are very hard to raise and that the fact that he was delayed would make it harder to reason with him. He said he hoped I knew what I was getting into. Well, I didn't but, I loved him and I wanted to help him.

We began reducing the Abilify first. He became more violent but, as long as he was still healthy and not hurting himself, we kept it up. After we had it down to the lowest dose, we started reducing his Seroquel. More violence for at least two days after every reduction. We kept going down anyway. I was determined at this point to do whatever it took. I even had to go to the school and explain what I was doing because he was getting into trouble there too. We finally got him off of both meds and started on the Lexapro. That was the easy one. Every single day, he became more aware of his surroundings, less violent and more willing to hug and be hugged. Life was great!! I even went with him on a field trip at school. The bus traveled on the same road that we used to travel to take him home. He was so excited about the airport and the planes flying so low overhead. I pointed out that he had seen them before and he said he didn't remember ever seeing them. His grades and behavior started improving at school. He is now off ALL of his meds and has been for 6 months. He has lost 40 pounds and is more confident at home and at school. He has went from a first grade reading level to a third grade reading level. He is 16 years old now and going for a special diploma in high school. He loves school!! All of our friends and relatives can't believe the differences in him.

The youngest was also on a first grade reading level. I'm sure that if I had him tested, he would be diagnosed ADD but, again with the meds, I refuse. I have tutored both boys for two summers now and have managed to get them both up to third grade level. The youngest is 12 years old and in the 5th grade as an ESE student. He is continually asking how much longer he has to be ESE. I tell him that only time will answer that question. If he were lazy and didn't try, I would tell him that if he worked harder he would be in regular classes but, I know better than to lie to him. He knows he was born cocaine addicted and asked about it. I explained that being cocaine addicted was like having a cloud in his head that made it harder for him to see things the way that other people do. He understood right away and pointed out that his older brother must have a much bigger cloud. I was so happy that he got it.

I don't feed my children any preservatives and I try to keep the fat and sugar content low in all of my cooking. I make practically EVERYTHING from scratch. This would include, bread, butter, sour cream, broth and much more. I grow a lot of my own food too.

We took out a HUGE loan on our house (well, it's a trailer) and property when we got the boys. We wanted to make sure that the boys would be happy here in the woods. They had lived in the city all their lives and now their whole world was about to change. We wanted to make their dreams come true. The loan was to clear some of the land and dig a pond. My husband was afraid they would get lost in the woods (we have 5 acres) or get bitten by something. We wanted the pond because we taught the boys to fish and they decided it was better than sliced bread. I wanted to be able to be in the kitchen cooking or whatever and be able to see them. We also got them a go kart so that they could go to visit friends in the neighborhood. My oldest son (the one that is grown and gone) brought them pony that is blind in one eye so, we built a pasture for her and even got her some friends to play with. Now we have the pony, two goats and a pig in the pasture. The pig was also brought by my son. He found it in the woods when it was a baby. We already had two dogs and a parrot when we got he boys but, they wanted a cat so, we adopted two for them. We have tried having chickens but, they keep getting ate so, we gave up for now. We bought used Kayaks for all of us and do a lot of fishing as a family.

I quit my job as a computer programer to be home for the boys and I'm looking for ways to make money at home. I've sold just about everything that I feel I can do without on eBay and now I'm ready to move on to something else. If I find any good ways to make money for free I will post them here. I can't afford to spend money to make money right now. I'm researching ways to make money with no out of pocket expense. I could go back to work but, the boys are very adimate about not going to before and after school care. I know for sure that I can't leave them home alone at this point.